The Pope visits Washington and President Bush takes him for a ride down the Potomac on the presidential yacht. They’re enjoying themselves when a gust of wind blows the Pope’s hat (zucchetto) off and out onto the water. The Secret Service begins to launch a boat but Bush waves them off saying, “Wait. I’ll take care of this.”
Bush steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water, walks out a ways and picks up the hat. Back on board, he hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.
The next morning the Washington Post carries the story complete with photos under the heading: “BUSH CAN’T SWIM”.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, “Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”
The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, no,” the man replies.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“Can’t,” breathes the bartender. “He’s not here. Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the bartender manages to say.
“Tell him,” she whispers, “there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me.”
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If you catch me you can have me”.
Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, “If I catch you, you are mine.”
He lost 33 kilos that week.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”
Enjoy these,some are oldies I know
Owen